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GROUCHO MARX, whose real name was Julius, was a brilliant, wise cracking comedian and film actor, known mosty for his works in the Marx brother movies. He was critisized for being rude and offensive by making innaropriate sexual comments. Today, his comments look more like something the Partridge Family would say in comparison to the personalities of our age. Still, anyone this sarcastic and witty in the face of millionares and people who could squash him has to be just a little mentally unstable.

"A child of five would understand this. Send somebody to fetch a child of five."

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."

"Do they allow tipping on the boat?
- Yes, sir.
Have you got two fives?
- Oh, yes, sir.
Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you."

"Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?"

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

"Go, and never darken my towels again!"

"I never forget a face, but I'll make an exception in your case."

"I want to register a complaint. Do you know who sneaked into my room at three o'clock this morning?...
- Who?...
Nobody, and that's my complaint."

"I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book."

"Look at me: I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."

"- My husband is dead.
I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.
- I was with him to the end.
No wonder he passed away.
- I held him in my arms and kissed him.
So it was murder!"

"No, Groucho is not my real name. I'm breaking it in for a friend."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."

"Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."

"Remember, men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did."

"Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill."

"- Sir, you have the advantage of me.
Not yet I haven't, but wait till I get you outside."

"The strains of Verdi will come back to you tonight, and Mrs Claypool's cheque will come back to you in the morning."

"- There's a man outside with a big black moustache."
Tell him I've got one."

"Time wounds all heels."

"What's a thousand dollars? Mere chicken feed. A poultry matter."

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."

"Your eyes shine like the pants of my blue serge suit."

"You're a disgrace to our family name of Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible."

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, which doesn't say much for you."

"You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it."



If you have any people or quotes you would like to see added here, feel free to e-mail us.
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