profound thoughts for the less than profound

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW was an Irish dramatist and critic who lived from 1856 to 1950. Although arrogant at times ("Are you enjoying yourself Mr. Shaw?" "Certianly there isn't anything else to enjoy") he is a brilliant phiosopher undeniably a very pessimistic one.

"A lifetime of happiness: no man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth."

"Very nice sort of place, Oxford, I should think, for people that like that sort of place."

"It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he can."

"A man of great common sense and good taste, - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage."

"Alcohol is a very necessary article...It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning."

"All great truths begin as blasphemies."

"Assassination is the extreme form of censorship."

"Better never than late."

"Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself."

"Cusins is a very nice fellow, certainly: nobody would ever guess that he was born in Australia."

"Do not love your neighbour as yourself. If you are on good terms with yourself it is an impertinence; if on bad, an injury."

"Gin was mother's milk to her."

"Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors."

"He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career."

"He never does a proper thing without giving an improper reason for it."

"He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches."

"Heaven, as conventionally conceived, is a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable, that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside."

"I never expect a soldier to think."

"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."

"If you strike a child, take care that you strike it in anger, even at the risk of maiming it for life. A blow in cold blood neither can nor should be forgiven."

"In heaven an angel is nobody in particular."

"It does not follow...that the right to criticize Shakespeare involves the power of writing better plays. And in fact...I do not profess to write better plays."

"It is the sexless novel that should be distinguished: the sex novel is now normal."

"It's a funny thing about that bust. As time goes on it seems to get younger and younger."

"I've been offered titles, but I think they get one into disreputable company."

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."

"Nobody can say a word against Greek: it stamps a man at once as an educated gentleman."

"Optimistic lies have such immense therapeutic value that a doctor who cannot tell them convincingly has mistaken his profession."

"Physically there is nothing to distinguish human society from the farm-yard except that children are more troublesome and costly than chickens and women are not so completely enslaved as farm stock."

"Self-denial is not a virtue; it is only the effect of prudence on rascality."

"Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn."

"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."

"The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it...It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth, without making some other Englishman despise him."

"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules."

"The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not."

"The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me."

"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."

"They all thought she was dead; but my father he kept ladling gin down her throat till she came to so sudden that she bit the bowl off the spoon."

"Titles distinguish the mediocre, embarrass the superior, and are disgraced by the inferior."

"Well, sir, you never can tell. That's a principle in life with me, sir, if you'll excuse my having such a thing, sir."

"We're from Madeira, but perfectly respectable, so far."

"Whether you think Jesus was God or not, you must admit that he was a first-rate political economist."

"With the single exception of Homer, there is no eminent writer, not even Sir Walter Scott, whom I can despise so entirely as I despise Shakespeare when I measure my mind against his...It would positively be a relief to me to dig him up and throw stones at him."

"You are a very poor soldier: a chocolate cream soldier!"

If you have any people or quotes you would like to see added here, feel free to e-mail us.
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