DON'T EVER PASS THE SALT
or "why the political theory of anarchy isn't the best idea"
     by The Lizard King

"You are free and that is why you are lost"
	-Franz Kafa

	You've seen them before. You've seen them clad in black,
glaring at you in the hallways. You've seen them covered in rebellious 
political patches, crying out to make a statement. You've seen their
severed arms and limbs flying through the air when they're new pipe bomb
design doesn't go exactly to plan. That's right. 
	Anarchists. 
	Defenders of freedom. They're all out to attempt to bring a new 
political theory into power. Anarchy. Where everyone is free and can be an
individual. And they're going to bring this into power by blowing up stuff.
You're going to get freedom weather you like it or not.
	Now the anarchists in the audience are already noting down my 
address so they can send me a lovely thank you bomb. But before you light 
that fuse, hear me out. I'm not here to bash your method, but to make you 
reconsider your goal. Let's take a look at anarchy.
	The definition of the political theory of anarchy, derived both by 
anarchists and people who didn't care in the first place is a system based 
on the ideal that no man or woman can enforce his will upon another man or
 woman.
	Let us take a moment to sit down with the all American anarchist 
family. It's dinnertime, and the beef is a bit tasteless. Junior really wants
sis to pass him the salt but he can't ask her. Why? Because to ask her to 
pass the salt would imply that his will is for her to pass him the salt, and
would technically be forcing his will upon her. Now sis knows that junior
wants the salt and wants to give it to him as much as he want it. But she 
can't. Why? Because to hand him the salt would be implying that she wants him 
to take the salt, and therefore forcing her will upon him. So they all sit
in the corners of the table, not speaking, not eating, not doing anything. 
But this would have never have happened anyway. Because mom would have never 
have made dinner. To do so and present it to the family would be...yes...you 
guessed it. Enforcing her will. And junior and sis would have never have 
existed anyway. Why? Because dad had to ask mom to marry him. And doing so
would be...what is it? Enforcing his will. You people are so good at this.
	Sure, you can say how this wouldn't happen. But for anything else to 
happen would not be a pure form of anarchy, which is what the self proclaimed 
anarchists defend so righteously. Now, there are some so-called anarchists that 
are incredible people. They promote change through demonstration. Weather it's 
singing about revolution, or dumping paint on the prime minister's head, or 
simply refusing to sit at the back of the bus, these people are amazing and 
should be looked up to. But they aren't anarchists. They don't defend the 
paranoid, absurd system called anarchy.
	So you can set off your firecrackers. You can make bombs out of yogurt 
containers and peanut butter jars. You can vandalize and terrorize all you want
 but when it all comes down to it, you're forcing chaos in the name of freedom. 
Think that one over before the fuse is gone.